Aging experts offer tips on having 'the talk'
of ConsumerAffairs
Remember when you were growing up and your parents nervously sat you down for the talk about the birds and the bees?
Now, the shoe is on the other foot. As your parents age, at some point, you will want to sit them down for the the talk about helpful steps they could take to keep them safe, especially if they live alone.
But it may be a touchy subject. An elderly parent may not think their abilities have diminished and can easily become offended if the subject is not approached with sensitivity, according to the aging experts we consulted.
A medical alert device, often worn around the neck, connects the user with emergency service providers in case of a fall or other health issue. Many adult children think they are a good idea.
Abbie Richie is the tech guru at The Smarter Service and helps older adults with technology. If you want your aging parent to use a medical alert device, to summon help in an emergency, she says it should be approached carefully.
Stress the positive
Choose the right time, Richie told ConsumerAffairs. Initiate the conversation when you and your parent are calm and relaxed. Emphasize how the device can increase their independence by ensuring help is always available, rather than focusing solely on the risks of not having one.
Sean Marchese, a registered nurse with The Mesothelioma Center at Asbestos.com, specializes in working with the aging population. He agrees that in making a case for wearing a medical alert device, you should always stress the positive.
You could say, I know you're very independent, so I want to make sure you are okay, but you can get help quickly if something goes wrong, Marchese said. Emphasize that it's not just for emergencies and that it's actually a way that they can remain independent. It can also help if you share stories from other people who have used and benefited from a medical device.
Tammy Gold, with the Therapeutic Parenting Method, has worked with families for the last two decades. She suggests framing the conversation as something that would help the concerned child, not just the aging parent.
"Hey Dad, you have a heart condition and if something happens I won't be able to reach you. Using this monitor would help us just remain connected in case," she offered as a possible approach.
Giving up the car keys
An even more challenging discussion to have with an aging parent is about driving. When its clear the parent is a threat to themselves and others when they are behind the wheel, Dr. Rehan Aziz, a psychiatrist at Hackensack Meridian Health, says it sets up what is probably one of the most difficult conversations to have with an older adult.
In the United States, driving symbolizes many things, including independence and autonomy, he told us. Giving up driving requires the older adult to accept that they require assistance and that an activity theyve done for most of their life is no longer safe.
Aziz suggests approaching the driving conversation without confrontation. Show understanding and empathy for the significant life change you're suggesting. Also, be prepared for this to be the first of several discussions as your parent adjusts to the idea of not driving.
In some cases, involving a respected family member or the doctor in the discussion can be beneficial. If disagreement persists, consider suggesting an objective evaluation, like an on-the-road driving test administered by a professional. This can help demonstrate the safety concerns in a clear, neutral manner.
Photo Credit: Consumer Affairs News Department Images
Posted: 2024-08-15 12:32:33
